


I Could Have Lost You

by Destiny_Enemy



Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, Love Confessions, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Tags Are Hard
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-04
Updated: 2018-12-04
Packaged: 2019-09-06 22:52:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,142
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16842061
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Destiny_Enemy/pseuds/Destiny_Enemy
Summary: Lavernius Tucker is known as the guy that almost never breaks down. Nothing can phase him. He has his moments of panic sure, but the next second he's back to his chill self, guess it's always been that way. But, the thing people don't think about is, what would happen if he broke?-------------------------------------------------------------------Or in other words, Tucker shown being not ok.So, just so you guys know, this is set post-season 15, an alternate ending if you will. Like, what if Donut didn't get hit with the time thingy and shit didn't go down? What if the Reds and Blues went back to Chorus and waited for Wash to wake up? This is that, so yeah. EnjoySPOILERS FOR SEASON 15, READ AT YOUR OWN RISK





	I Could Have Lost You

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone! And welcome to my first multi-chapter fanfiction! And surprising no one, it's an RvB story. Anyway, I hope you have read the summary, because this is going to be one hell of a ride. I don't know exactly how many chapters this is going to be, but I'll try to make it no longer than 5. Enough of my ramblings, I hope you all enjoy the first chapter of "I Could Have Lost You"
> 
> EDIT: I'm not dead! I actually got an idea for this story again, so I'm FINALLY working on the next chapter, but until then I have re-worked some of this first chapter, making it flow a little better now that my skills have improved so there isn't a huge gap in the writing style. So enjoy skimming though or rereading this chapter even if you have read it before, I wanna see if you can spot all the changes ;)

Things had been kinda slow for the Reds and Blues ever since the battle with Temple and the rest of his team. Everyone was tired, they just wanted to go back home, or, to Chorus that is. Funny huh? Everyone was so excited to go to earth, but it just didn't feel like home anymore.

Everyone was tense, on edge, waiting for the other shoe to drop as it had done so many other times. Grif and Simmons have been in a stalemate, almost stuck in a limbo, like they want to be close, that want to comfort each other, but they're still hurt over everything that happened. It doesn't seem like many people have noticed, but can you blame them? Everyone was dealing with their own wounds, literal and metaphorical. 

Sarge was keeping to himself, not that unusual, anyone that looked at him for more than a second could see the guilt almost radiating off of his being. Doc and Donut were sitting together in the corner, they rarely said anything to anyone, even each other. Caboose was probably doing the best out of them all, he still wasn't his cheery self, but he didn't seem to be doing horrible either. Carolina was still really weak from the torture Temple put her and Wash through, but she was also beating herself up over...what happened. And Tucker...no one really knew what was up with Tucker. He didn't say anything to anyone. He just stared at the floor of the ship, hiding in his helmet like everyone else.

No one tried to break the fragile silence, no one tried to reach out to each other, not this time. They all need time to heal, recharge, put themselves back together. They needed space, they all knew that. They sat in tense silence, waiting for the ship to reach its destination.

* * *

Tucker sat alone in a small Hospital room like he had done every day for the past two weeks, not finding the energy to do anything else. He sat next to Wash's bed, nothing more. Just sitting in one of the stiff chairs provided by the Hospital. He had stopped wearing his armor not too long after the Reds and Blues got back, everyone else following suit soon after, as Tucker put it: "If we're not fighting anyone for once in our goddamn lives, why would I wear something that puts me on edge?". No one could argue with him, not that they wanted to anyway.

Tucker noticed the door crack open, and Carolina walked in. Her and Tucker made eye contact before she sat down in the chair across from him, neither one said anything. It had been like this for a while, Carolina came in on Mondays, Tuesdays, and Wednesdays. She would occasionally stop by on other days when she had the time, but she had been resting for the most part, as she was still healing from her own wounds. Tucker had memorized everyone's schedule, knowing the days they stopped in to visit Wash, for some, even down to the hour

Donut comes in on Sundays and Thursdays, usually with balloons, flowers, or some form of home-cooked meal. Sometimes Doc would come with him, but the medic kept to himself most of the time. When he did show up, it was only for twenty minutes at most, then he would excuse himself and leave, guilt radiating off his from in waves as Donut would shoot him a worried glance before excusing himself as well and following after the troubled male.

Caboose comes in on the weekends. He always brought his favorite book with him, he’d told Tucker that Washington must get bored, Tucker never once tried to tell him he's skipping whole pages and going back and forth in the story. Sometimes he even stays late and ends up falling asleep, Tucker usually calls Carolina to come to get him and take him to bed.

Sarge stops by whenever, usually only to check up on Tucker and make sure he's doing ok and eating, then asks about Wash. The answer is always the same, nothing new to report. He gives a curt nod, a pat on the shoulder and leaves.

Grif and Simmons though, are something else. They don't really have scheduled days, but somehow, they always manage to show up together. The first time it happened was three days after they got back, Tucker was already there and was a bit surprised to see Grif walk through the door, he remembered Grif had once said he hated Hospitals during one of their occasional 'Drink and talk about how much life sucks' sessions. Tucker was about to ask what he was doing when Simmons walked in, a small bouquet of yellow roses in hand. He and Grif looked at each other, and then back to Tucker, almost as if to ask: "What's he doing here?" Tucker gave a shrug and leaned back in his chair, not quite caring what the two were going to do, but just interested enough that he stayed tuned into the conversation. They exchanged glances once more before Simmons cleared his throat before speaking, voice strained and mildly choked.

"Hey, Grif..." Grif gave a small nod and Simmons shifted where he stood. He looked down at the flowers still in hand and suddenly seemed to remember why he was there. He held them out to Tucker awkwardly as he tried to stay about 3 feet away from the orange soldier while still leaning over to hand them to Tucker. "These are um, these are for Wash. I uh, have to go...do...something. Yeah, see you guys later." After that he had quickly left, Grif following his example shortly after that, saying something along the lines of, "I gotta get going, but if Wash wakes up like, right after I leave, tell him I'd love to be here, but those naps aren't going to catch themselves." before giving Tucker a half-hearted smile and gingerly shutting the door behind him.

After that, they always seemed to show up one right after the other, like clockwork. Although, they never seemed to plan it. Tucker wondered if that was all they talked to each other, a quick greeting and an even quicker goodbye. He wouldn't lie though, watching them get all awkward and shy was probably the most entertainment he’s had over these two weeks.

"So, how's he doing?" Tucker suddenly jolted in his seat, he had gotten so lost in thought that he had forgotten Carolina was in the room with him.

Carolina’s face filled with alarm and she leaned forward in her chair, as though to catch Tucker should he fall. "Whoa, are you ok?" she asked quickly, suddenly put on edge, muscles tense and shoulders tight with apprehension, a result of everything she had undergone in the past few weeks.

Tucker looked up at her, blinking the remains of shock away. "Yeah, I'm fine, I kinda forgot you were here." he said, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly. "As for Wash, he's doing fine, well, as fine as he can be. Nothing's really changed." Tucker looked down at Wash and sighed, a mildly broken sound in and of itself. "Still asleep, just...lying there."

Carolina frowned, body going lax as she took note of the dark circles under Tucker's eyes, the way they drooped with exhaustion, the way the didn't quite focus on Wash, almost staring _through_ him instead. "Tucker, how much sleep have you gotten?" She asked gingerly, voice quiet as she attempted to coax a response out of the male.

Tucker didn't bother looking up, a slightly bitter covering his features as his eyes narrowed, still unmovingly trained on Washington. "Enough." He said sullenly, eyes briefly catching Carolina's disapproving gaze before he dropped his head again, a slightly hopeless look replacing the previous. "I'm not passing out so I'm good. Gotta be here when he wakes up." He finished his comment in a hushed whisper, desperation seeping into his voice as his eyes grew pained.

Carolina regarded him with disapproval but said nothing. She knew what it was like, staying up late, barely sleeping, wondering if... _when_ your partner was going to wake up. She’d done the same plenty of times for York, it was mind-numbing, and you never quite felt the same afterward.

Washington’s heart monitor suddenly jumped and Tucker’s head whipped around to look at it, heartwrenching terror written across his face, breath already coming out in pants, uneven and frantic. Carolina looked over at it as well, body going rigid once again as she prepared to quickly raise to her feet. Neither one spoke, the tense silence that fell over the room was suffocating, like a black hole that was sucking all the air from the room.

Wash took a deep breath and then heavily exhaled. His head lolled to the side and he tried rolling over, face twisting in frustration, a sigh leaving his lips when he couldn’t due to the cords and restraints keeping him in place to make sure you didn't harm himself while moving.

Tucker suddenly scrambled to his feet and pushed the button to call someone into the room. He ran his hands through his hair and took shaky breaths, panic clouding his features, his eyes were wide and unfocused as he started to pace, eyes scanning the room quickly, but always falling back to Wash before it started all over again. Carolina tore her gaze away from Washington as she made her way over to the teal soldier and put her hand on his shoulder gently, prepared to pull back should it startle him. “Tucker...I need you to take a deep breath ok? What's wrong?” She said quietly as she let her hand rest firmly as she began rubbing her hand in a circular motion. 

Tucker took another shaky breath, but it was a little more controlled, eyes closing as he attempted to compose himself enough to communicate with her. “Sorry, sorry, just...he ummm...he…” Tucker glanced over to Wash and then looked away, gaze becoming troubled once more, and Carolina was briefly tempted to put herself in between them, blocking Washington from view. “Nevermind. I’m fine.” Tucker shook his head and pulled back, closing his eyes once more as his hands start running through his locks at an even faster rate than before.

Carolina gripped his shoulder a little tighter, clearly intent on trying to get Tucker to talk, but before she could say anything else, Grey came into the room. Tucker shook Carolina’s hand off and walked over to Grey, his face a disturbing mix of terrified and serious. Carolina sighed deeply but didn’t push him to explain.

Tucker kept wringing his hands and pacing back and forth, and Carolina decided it would be better if she stood off to the side, as she didn’t fully understand what was happening. She wanted to help in any way possible, and there were hundreds, if not thousands of questions running through her brain all at the same time, fighting for the dominance of her mind, but she merely bit her tongue as Gray worked, suddenly relating to Tucker far more then she thought.

Grey checked Wash’s monitors and drips, making sure everything was in order. Not a single word was uttered, and that suffocating silence was filling the room again, bring about an air of misery. 

Tucker's fidgeting grew more persistent, his leg bouncing as he struggled to keep quiet, mouth opening and closing multiple time before suddenly taking a deep breath and exhaling quickly, shattering the fragile silence. He leaned toward Grey. “Well?” He spoke with anguish, as though he feared the answer. That single word felt like it held the weight of the world on it and Carolina felt herself growing closer to the edge with each passing second.

Grey turned around and smiled, although that didn’t really mean anything, as it was rare that she wasn’t smiling. “Well, it seems Agent Washington is doing much better, his wounds are almost fully healed, which means we can remove the restraints, as the threat of him reopening his injuries due to excessive movement has passed.” She looked at Wash, then turned back to Tucker and Carolina. “He should be waking up soon.” As though on cue, Wash sighed in his sleep and shifted once again.

Both Carolina and Tucker sucked in a breath, they stood in shocked silence for a few moments, neither one quite comprehending the extraordinary news. Carolina was the first to speak. “What do you mean by soon?” Her voice was hopeful, but reserved, as though this was an illusion, one that would break should they be too optimistic, and Tucker felt the pit in his stomach to return.

Grey looked thoughtful for a few seconds before she responded. “Well, I’d say anywhere from a few days, to a week at most.” She spoke in her overly cheerful voice, a disturbingly sweet sound that somehow sounded sinister despite the words it was saying.

Carolina sighed in relief and chuckled lightly. Tucker looked at her in confusion before he was swept up in a hug. He yelped in surprise, looking down at Carolina in shock. “He’s waking up soon.” Her words were muffled by Tucker’s shirt, but he could hear the tears in her voice, the pure joy she spoke with was enough to stun Tucker to silence, he didn't quite realize how much this affected other people as well, he wasn't the only one torn apart by these events. She quickly put him down and rubbed her eyes, as though to hide the small tears that were forming in the corners of them. “We should tell the others. They’ll want to know.” She said, voice cheerful and watery as a bright smile adorned her face.

Tucker looked back at Wash as a shaky smile found its way onto his worn face. “Yeah, we probably should.” His voice was filled with bewilderment, but his eyes were glassy from his own unshed tears, and brimming with hope.

“Well, I should get back to my duties again, I am still a doctor believe it or not.” Grey’s voice held it’s usual sicking sweetness, but both Tucker and Carolina could tell she was near ready to smack both of them. She turned to leave, giving Tucker and Carolina one last sincere smile before making her way through the door into the hallway.

Tucker flopped back into his chair, breathing a sigh of relief for what felt like the first time in years. He leaned his head back and closed his eyes. Running on adrenaline, coffee, and four hours of sleep a night, if he was lucky, was finally getting to him.

How long had it been since he’d had a good night’s rest? It seemed like forever. The dark bags under his eyes and the constant exhaustion had become normal for him, even before Wash had gotten shot. You’d think he would have slept better after the war on Chorus ended, but he found his mind plagued with nightmares. Fears about his friends dying one by one, sometimes in his arms, sometimes he would only see it from afar. He couldn’t decide which was worse. They often woke him up early, his racing heart making it near impossible to get back to sleep.

“You should really get some sleep Tucker.” A soft voice invaded his thoughts, lulling him, pulling him down softly, making him feel fuzzy.

Sleep...sleep sounded really good right about now. A warm blanket, a fluffy pillow, yeah, that would be awesome. But, wasn’t there something he was supposed to do? Surely it could wait until after he had a good night's rest. No, it was important, he knew that it was, but what _was_ it exactly? He knew he had to do it or Wash would have his ass. Wash would...Wash…

Tucker’s head snapped up, wide unfocused eyes staring straight at Carolina.

“Hey! Hey, it’s ok. Listen, just breathe alright?” Carolina said quietly, her hands outstretched in a comforting gesture, worry etched deep into her face.

Tucker didn’t even realize he was sucking in quick uneven breaths until he was once again leaned back in his chair, blinking and sighing heavily. “Can’t.” Was all he managed in his still half-awake state.  
  
Carolina regarded him with confusion as she leaned forward slightly, a sign she wanted him to continue speaking. It took the male a few moments to process what she wanted before he spoke gruffly, "Sleep, can't." before leaning back in his chair as he fought the darkness at the corners of his vision. Understanding covered the redhead's features before she crossed her arms and huffed out a breath. “Tucker, you have stayed here every night ever since Wash was admitted. You need proper sleep, you look like someone just dragged you through hell and back.” She spoke softly, but firmly, showing she was determined and wouldn’t be swayed.

Tucker looked to her with remorse written onto his face. He quickly glanced at Wash before taking in a shaky inhale. “But…” He spoke with pain in his voice, as though leaving was the worst punishment that could befall any being in the history of the universe.

Carolina’s eyes softened and her shoulders relaxed, a sigh leaving her lips as she spoke. “He will be fine Tucker, and if he wakes up while you’re away, we’ll be sure to send someone immediately.”  
  
Tucker looked up, worry still etched into his features, a silent plea in his eyes.  
  
“I promise. Now go get some sleep, ok?” Carolina said sincerely, willing Tucker to listen to the plea of her own.  
  
Tucker let out a sigh, the tension ebbing away, leaving nothing more than fatigue in its wake. 

He stood shakily, murmuring out something akin to a response before finally retreating the room for the first time in days. He had left before, but only for things such as food and water. Although people had taken to bringing him such things because he didn’t get nearly enough on his own.

He slowly made his way past staff and patients alike, keeping to himself. Although many looked at him with curious gazes, no one attempted conversation, even though he knew most of the staff on a first-name basis now.

He made his way out of the building and walked to the temporary room Kimball had given him. She had done everything in her power to make sure the Reds and Blues had a place to stay on Chorus after their sudden return. It wasn’t much, nothing more than an empty barracks really, but it was something.

Tucker opened the door to the small room, before promptly going over to the bed and flopping onto it, closing his eyes, welcoming the darkness.

**Author's Note:**

> Well! That's that! I really hope you enjoyed, and if you could leave a quick comment, that would be awesome! Feedback means more to me than anything, so any advice on how I can improve would be great. I hope you join me on this journey, I'll try to have the next chapter up before long. Until then, good day/night to all of you ☺
> 
> EDIT: If you missed the first note, I would suggest going and reading it, or don't, it's your lyfe man. But really, I don't know when the next chapter will be up, seeing as my life is a lot busier than when I started writing it, but now that I have an actual idea for the next chapter it should go a lot better. Also, I might have lied, I dunno how many chapters this will end up being but it's prob going to be more than 5, but that depends on how long they are lol. I hope you enjoyed the "rework" of this chapter, and do you think you caught all the new stuff? Lemmie know in the comments, and as always, hope you have an awesome week!


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